Phenomenon

If these walls could talk, you’d know my body is dead, my mind has been taken over, that’s why I am so scared of meeting you deeply, and to fall in love with you, come on it can happen.
I can’t control it, anger is making me sick, I’ve been left here on my own, into a deep hole, crawling, chained to a hate of some kind. If these walls could talk, you’d know about my fears, about all those nights I screamed and cried for help, abut my fallen tears.

You’d know about the demons haunting me at night, you’d be able to help me, keep my fire alright, but I think I’m the only one who can help myself from those monsters. Phenomenon.

It’s all in silence, all is dark and I hear a voice in my head telling me, to forget him, to let him go, because I’m going to hurt him, and I don’t want that... Right now I’m wonderless, I don’t know what to do, to say, to feel..

By: BrokenSmile
24/01/08.-

Commitement

This is a bleeding heart and an exhausted tongue laying it out there.. Dripping with brutal truth and honesty, Somestimes the people you hold so dearly in this life are the ones that you hurt the most, life is too short to keeo loved ones away.. too hold grudges, too judge someone by their looks, or age.. as humans we are interesting creatures, we are the only ones with the capacity to love someone genuinely, the willingness to put someone else before ourselves, and the commitement it takes to truly be with someone.. but sadly we also possess and innate propensity to betray and hurt the people most important to us.. we turn our backs on our friends, sometimes our own family, even our lovers, we say things we don't mean, and we do things we don't mean to do.. with so much going on at time, it's often hard to find the right way, the right things to say, the right way of doing things.. but the only thing we can do to get by is seize each and every day. we can't keep turning out backs trylu cherish in this life, because there truly is absolutely nothing worth regreting.. And certainly nothing going worth going over the deep end for.. even when we find ourselves in hell, we must breathe, we must take the time to let the dust settle.. and we must accept the events that transpire.. no matter how bad the sting, how hard the fall, or how severe the pain, there's always a way and reason to carry on.. in a harsh world like today, friend and family are all you have.. they are all you can count on.

Strings attached? xDD..

It's becoming more evident

Much more obvious to me

I thought much more of you

Than you ever thought of me

Was this my biggest mistake

Letting myself think you cared

Was I just your marionette

With heartstrings open and bared

With me left here still thinking

What was false, what was true

So puzzling and so complex

I’m left to await another clue

On my heartstings you played

Each left with a loving memory

Yet I still have those questions

Do you ever think about me

I’m wondering why all the intrigue

Now why all of this mystery

Why am I left here hanging.

.-[BrokenSmile]-.

Broken Mirror

My reflection stares back from the broken mirror

Distorted pieces staring from shards of broken mirror

Wondering where these false images come from

I’ve lost myself deeply inside this broken mirror

Disillusioned with myself, finally seeing the truth

That hides within shattered images of broken mirror

One thousand eyes blink, with lies behind each one

Cast at me from the remnants of the broken mirror

Crooked smiles endlessly reflecting back in sadness

Captured is the deep despair by this broken mirror

Scattered about the floor inside each silver shard

My self has been captured into this broken mirror

[BrokenSmile][...]

Everything hurts

I hide to cry,
Because I have no where to call my own
And "hapily ever after" is a land too far away,
Just after once- upon - a- time;
Just this side of the rainbow
and no one really cares anyway.

I hide to cry,
Because I know I will never leave this place
And dreams don't really come true,
Not by themselves, just if we make an effort
It's just all make -believe
and It really doesn't matter. Not to me.

I hide to cry,
Because my weakness brings my tears
and I have no one to hold me close
No one here who LOVES me,
Not as a friend but as a girlfriend.

I hide to cry,
because no one really cares anyway,
and is this pain even real,
it really doesn't matter
and no one really cares anyway.

I hide to cry,
Because no one validates my pain
and no one really cares
So why should I?

[Sheila]copyright 08.-

Life?

Is life like a happy party?

Anf if so, what happens when everyone

goes home?

-BrknSml-

Nightmare.

I just had a nightmare.. I took my notebook I call it “Not another wasted notebook” and I took a pillow and went to the roof, it was raining, I noticed because of the water that covers up the streets, there’s nothing but the good darkness surrounding me. The moon is shining brightly over the tree tops and it’s reflection on the water is such a beautiful sight. This is a perfect place for two people who are in love..

As I sit here thinking about all the time I have wasted, just sorting out my life -- I never really realized what loneliness was until I lost hope. Yes, I lost hope.. It seemed as thought things were going so good until one day I decide to let the fade decide my destiny. All of my plans for future were shattered. Hope was gone, and maybe forever.. I still remember the times I thought I would stand up and keep trying, but not pushing myself, those thoughts became memories, and those memories are going to fade away.. slowly. They’ll be gone, soon enough.

There’s no use in pretending, because deep down in my heart, I know I can change, and I can start a new life.. but I think life is an accumulation of joys and pains, the one making us richer, the other sometimes becoming obstacles too high to climb, and wanting to give up.. We all suffer our share of pain. Some, though, don’t know how to rid themselves of the pain. And some just need help, maybe I need help, but I don’t want anybody to help me.

My life seems so meaningless now. I think I’m useless - why was I ever placed on this earth? What purpose do I serve? None, none whatsoever. People keep telling me that I’ll change, but I need time, but for how long?

I have to admit that I have been thinking in giving up on life, on love, on everything, but I can’t. I must go on -- being this or being that. The things and people that really meant anything to me are gone - vanished - never to come back to me again. Maybe someday .. I’ll change for good, I’ll be better, but I’m wondering, will people still love me?!

I have to get a grip on myself -- I can’t let this get me down. Life must go on. Maybe it’s good that the memories are going, maybe then I can go on with my life as meaningless as it seems now. I think that the only way to having true love, is to realize that someday it may be lost. Believe me, I realized that a long time ago..

But you know?..

And I'll be okay..!

/\BrokenSmile/\

P.S: The picture is NOT mine..

Shattered Pieces

Inside my sleeve,
I pull out my heart,
handing it to you, "careful it's fragile,
and easily falls apart."

Extending your arms,
you take the heart in
your tender warm hands.
It falls into a million shattered pieces - on
the floor it lands.

You begin to bend down to pick it up,
sorrow and sadness in your eyes.
Apologies are not enough.
Looking at you with tears in my eyes,
I ask you not to pick up the pieces of a heart
that has fallen apart.

I am the one who needs to pick up the pieces of
my shattered heart - one by one, piece by piece.

I need to put it together again, some how. some way.
Each piece of my heart has a memory so true.
Each piece of my heart has part of you.
You are the one who is leaving to start a new lease on life.
I'll just be here on my knees picking up the pieces of a
heart that feels like it's being pierced with a knife.

All my tears won't keep you near
All my tears won't mend what's not here.
Again I look at you with a whisper in my voice,
The only way my heart will mend and finally be complete,
is if you and I can come together without being discreet.

You see, what we have here and today, helps me face the
world, with a love for you that gives a glow -
but now, my darling, you made a choice.

My heart is on this floor, shattered and broke.
With each piece I pick up -
I need to learn to let go.


-[BrokenSmile]-

3am

Esto lo hice en el 2007, una dedicatoria .. para el.

3am

Second Floor
I’m sitting in the windowsill, your picture taped to the glass, feel your arms around me but you’re not here, I wear this shirt because it has your scent, it’s the closest I will ever be to you again.

City sounds remind me of when we owned it all, we walked these streets and drank it all in, never in my life had I felt so close to heaven, never in my life have I felt so alone.

There’s a burning inside me that won’t go away, it won’t let me sleep, It won’t let me think of anything else but you, let it rain to wash me clean. It’s becoming more evident much more obvious to me, I thought much more of you, than you ever thought of me.

Was this my biggest mistake, letting myself think you cared, was I just your marionette, with heartstrings open and bared.
With me here still thinking what was false, what was true, so puzzling and so complex, I’m left to await another clue.

On my heartstrings you played, each left with a loving memory, yet I still have those questions, do you ever think about me? I’m wondering why all the intrigue now why all of this mystery, why am I left here hanging, you’re the one that holds the key.

[BrokenSmilesita] <-- ^^

And Go!

Como sabran, ya cambiamos de año.. asi que hay unas que otras memorias, unos que otros recuerdos que quiero borrar de mi .. esto es lo que pasa, cada vez que pasa algo en mi vida, yo lo demuestro a traves de un escrito..

Empezaremos escribiendo aqui todo lo que tengo escrito por ahi.

Welcome Stranger!

Welcome to my life! <3333

Love, BrokenSmile

Nuevo comienzo

Despues de desearle una bonita navidad y un feliz año nuevo.. esto es un nuevo comienzo.

Me miro y me siento tan vulnerable ante cualquier cosa, tan frágil como un cristal a punto de caer y no ser como antes. Tengo miedo de creer y volar porque hoy mis alas se desvanecen en el viento y caigo casi rendida de mis ganas de vivir, de mis ganas de ser, de triunfar en mi vida con tanta seguridad de que algún día seré tan feliz.

Los días cada mañana me emiten tantas ilusiones de valorarme como nunca lo he hecho, solo porque siento que hay personas a las que no puedo defraudar. Podemos ser tan seguros alguna vez pero hoy solo queda decir que el tiempo tiene mucho por demostrar con la vida.

El amor, esta famosa palabra, dicen que el amor en nosotros los adolescentes a veces es muy poderoso y a veces llega hacer el verdadero de toda la vida, quizás lo vean complicado porque si alguna vez llegan amar o querer a esa persona tan especial y logran atravesar todas las dificultades de la vida, quizás ese querer llegue a madurar y formar un amor y el amor llegue hacer algo lleno de felicidad, eso dicen las personas que al parecer tienen razón y valentía al hablar de sus experiencias amorosas, ¿Cierto o mentira?, en fin el amor es lo mas precioso y a veces complicado.

Hoy me sentí con tantas ganas de saltar sobre las sabanas y prepararme para atravesar toda depresión. Hoy me cojo de mis fuerzas para creer y intentar y reintentar tantas cosas. ¿Si aun amo? Si, es muy sentir si amo. ¿Y por que los golpes? Porque se que me harán ser mejor persona y mas fuerte ante otra dificultades.

Hoy llega una nueva etapa, un nuevo yo, una nueva relación por ver si madura, nuevas aventuras. En fin, entre tantas cosas que se pueden pensar, no me puedo defraudar, hoy odio y quiero con tantas fuerzas. A veces me levanto y pienso que el día es tan triste, tan infeliz como mi vida, ¿Qué hago?, solo suelo y actuó como pájaro soñador, vuelo con todas mis fuerzas, mis penas y mis problemas para atravesar y llegar a mi risa exagerada y misteriosa que siempre muestro cuando me miran reír. Como dice una película: “La vida es como una caja de bombones... Uno nunca sabe lo que va tocar”

Atte:

BrokenSmile